saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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