I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
