After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
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