First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
