I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
