That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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