You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We have started to decorate penises.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
