I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
