whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
