Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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