Swine flu is the new snow day.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
