i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
