That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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