I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
