I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
