I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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