me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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