I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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