Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
