How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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