Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
