he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
