Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
