walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
