I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
