You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
