Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
