No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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