dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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