I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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