did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
