my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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