If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
