I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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