Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
well you can't waste a boner
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
