how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize