Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
