The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
