it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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