I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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