Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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