I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
