I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize