last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
