Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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