I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
