I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
