she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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