kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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