brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
