Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
