where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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