So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
