She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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