I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
