I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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