This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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