Do you still have your period?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
