Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
