just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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