She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
