I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
