I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
