So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think your dad took our porno
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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