i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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