I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize