I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
