Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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