sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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