just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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