Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need to calm my uterus...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
