The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I touched a dick in church today
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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