It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
