looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
